Lately, I’ve been listening to the
podcast Millennial, a program
dedicated to young adults facing that awkward 20-something period when
most people are searching for their first job, moving out of the house, and
learning that maybe they should have taken a bit more time to enjoy the youth
they’re slowly leaving behind (or still desperately clinging to, we’re all different).
Regardless, the keyword here is ‘uncertainty’. Uncertainty about where you’ll
be in a year, uncertainty about your relationships, uncertainty about your
ability to manage money, ET-capital freakin’-C. For someone who micro-manages
the shit out of everything, that grey space is not something that necessarily
sits well with me. But if being in a new city and doing work I actually enjoy,
for the first time in my life, has taught me anything, its that hidden beneath
that uncertainty is possibility and, within that, a super-sized portion of good
old autonomy.
I was born and raised in Vermont and while that’s what I list under any form asking for my permanent address, its more of a place to come back to rather than a place to grow. When I think about the place I’ve actually grown up, the answer is undeniably Ithaca, New York. After six underwhelming years in middle and high school, I couldn’t have made-off with my diploma fast enough (please and thank you!). Ithaca was like a sparkling, granola-filled oasis compared to my small hometown. I don’t think I realized it completely but that fresh start meant the only context I had was the one I chose to create for myself. And create I did, or rather, I am. And I guess that’s the primary purpose of this blog; to make me sit with the uncomfortable transitions, phases, and moments life throws at me.
Right now, for example; my first summer officially away from home. Working and living in a new city is a very ‘adult’ situation and, especially with graduation just a year away, there’s nothing that says HEY, IT’S ME, THE REAL WORLD! ARE YOU THERE, ALEXIS?! more. For the first time, I’m beginning to realize that the only constant in my life is movement. At the moment, I live in Boston. In two months, Ithaca. And then, um, I really couldn’t tell ya. What can I say; I’m displaced. But here’s the thing; as weird and jostling as it can sometimes be, I wouldn’t want to be grounded to one place because somewhere inside my suitcases or during my phone calls to change my pharmacy location yet again, I meet a lot of interesting people, do some fun things, and learn more about myself than I ever really wanted to know.
You know when you’re a kid and you think being in your 20s will mean you have all your ducklings lined up? Well, one, I’ll pass on the ducklings because I can barely manage to keep plants alive. And two, that’s a bunch of crap, made up to keep us in a constant state of self-loathing. Everyday, I make choices that, literally, one day later, I’m like WHAT? WHY? NO! Sometimes I say too much and sometimes I’m naïve and sometimes I eat one too many gummy bears and then feel ill. So, while I’ll never lie and say I don’t give myself hell for these things, as small as they may be, life is a series of fluctuations. Sometimes, everything feels under control, like when you manage to get that teetering pile of jeans in your closet to stay up. And other times, you think that pile of jeans is A-okay and it ends up falling on your face, leaving you with a mess and slightly bruised ego. In reality, we’ll never escape from these slip-ups so why make a big deal out of them? Sure, call your mom, Facetime with your friends until they hang up on you, look at deserted island properties to run away to -- whatever you need. But after, try to think about yourself as a train (in the most flattering way). Your tracks align to your anticipated trajectory, and I use the word ‘anticipated’ because things change, people change, and most importantly, you change. There’s simply too much in this world we can’t control and the things we can, we should do with purpose and intention. So when someone dumps you over text message or you hate your first job and quit, wine (either kind) and then realign. Its all unnecessary negativity and as hard as it may be to hear, you’re probably better off without it. That’s the thing about life, possibility is always out there but you’ll never see the open windows until you close a few doors.
I was born and raised in Vermont and while that’s what I list under any form asking for my permanent address, its more of a place to come back to rather than a place to grow. When I think about the place I’ve actually grown up, the answer is undeniably Ithaca, New York. After six underwhelming years in middle and high school, I couldn’t have made-off with my diploma fast enough (please and thank you!). Ithaca was like a sparkling, granola-filled oasis compared to my small hometown. I don’t think I realized it completely but that fresh start meant the only context I had was the one I chose to create for myself. And create I did, or rather, I am. And I guess that’s the primary purpose of this blog; to make me sit with the uncomfortable transitions, phases, and moments life throws at me.
Right now, for example; my first summer officially away from home. Working and living in a new city is a very ‘adult’ situation and, especially with graduation just a year away, there’s nothing that says HEY, IT’S ME, THE REAL WORLD! ARE YOU THERE, ALEXIS?! more. For the first time, I’m beginning to realize that the only constant in my life is movement. At the moment, I live in Boston. In two months, Ithaca. And then, um, I really couldn’t tell ya. What can I say; I’m displaced. But here’s the thing; as weird and jostling as it can sometimes be, I wouldn’t want to be grounded to one place because somewhere inside my suitcases or during my phone calls to change my pharmacy location yet again, I meet a lot of interesting people, do some fun things, and learn more about myself than I ever really wanted to know.
You know when you’re a kid and you think being in your 20s will mean you have all your ducklings lined up? Well, one, I’ll pass on the ducklings because I can barely manage to keep plants alive. And two, that’s a bunch of crap, made up to keep us in a constant state of self-loathing. Everyday, I make choices that, literally, one day later, I’m like WHAT? WHY? NO! Sometimes I say too much and sometimes I’m naïve and sometimes I eat one too many gummy bears and then feel ill. So, while I’ll never lie and say I don’t give myself hell for these things, as small as they may be, life is a series of fluctuations. Sometimes, everything feels under control, like when you manage to get that teetering pile of jeans in your closet to stay up. And other times, you think that pile of jeans is A-okay and it ends up falling on your face, leaving you with a mess and slightly bruised ego. In reality, we’ll never escape from these slip-ups so why make a big deal out of them? Sure, call your mom, Facetime with your friends until they hang up on you, look at deserted island properties to run away to -- whatever you need. But after, try to think about yourself as a train (in the most flattering way). Your tracks align to your anticipated trajectory, and I use the word ‘anticipated’ because things change, people change, and most importantly, you change. There’s simply too much in this world we can’t control and the things we can, we should do with purpose and intention. So when someone dumps you over text message or you hate your first job and quit, wine (either kind) and then realign. Its all unnecessary negativity and as hard as it may be to hear, you’re probably better off without it. That’s the thing about life, possibility is always out there but you’ll never see the open windows until you close a few doors.
No comments:
Post a Comment